I am troubled by the pressure on Jesse Norman to declare which 'side' he is on in the referendum debate (HT EUROPE :IN OR OUT May 12). We need exploration of the issues, not personality politics. I am dismayed that you choose to deal with that as the sole issue of the Ross public meeting. I am grateful that Jesse maintains a neutral position. The meeting could have developed into a shouting match.

A calmer voice suggested it was like an acrimonious divorce. I have seen the benefits of neutral mediation there. Key to negotiating an agreed way forward is the ability to listen to others together with understanding the role emotion plays and the implications of what is being is said.

One fact was agreed by all, (The EU: your questions answered) and caused a moment's silent consideration. We will not ask to leave now. Our government will be taking up to 2 years of complicated negotiations. We will not have another vote on those terms.

It seems to me worth working out for myself the sort of life I want for my children. The manner problems are addressed is more important than taking sides without paying attention to the views of others. Perhaps 6 or so years down the line the parties may be speaking to each other again, but what about the children now?

How I vote is nobody's business but my own. How I behave in public is everybody's business. The ballot in June is once in my lifetime when my vote does really count. Till then I will listen and will try not to be bullied.

Barbara Ferris

Dinedor