AN INQUEST was held in Hereford into the death of Stan Charity.

The county coroner, who recorded a verdict of suicide, heard the 40-year-old was an intelligent, kind and caring man – and one who was able to hide his mental health problems from friends and family.

Here, his sister Billie Charity explains the pain when a relative takes their own life and the help that is available to them through a specialist charity.

A few months ago my younger brother Stan took his own life at our dad’s holiday cottage in the Olchon Valley.

It was an enormous shock to all of us who knew him.

The few months since it happened have been, by far, the hardest few months of my life, and I will carry the pain with me forever.

Since Stan died, a large part of me has gone with him.

My connection with my childhood, everything that shaped me, and us, in those important formative years; all our first critical experiences, our shared memories, co-history, joys, sorrows, everything.

The roots to my past have gone. For the first time in 40 years I am brother-less, an only child.

The bereavement associated with suicide is much more complex than other types of bereavement.

As well as the indescribable grief and shock, there is the official public investigation into the death which adds another layer to the horror.

Then there is all the associated emotional trauma beyond the grief. The anger, the guilt, the what-ifs.

It is almost too much for me to consider how much pain Stan must have been in, to do what he did.

It is also terrible to realise that what he has done is irreversible, that what’s done is done and there is no going back, no talking to him again, no telling him how much I loved him.

There are two messages I would like to share with people after this tragic situation.

The first is to highlight the work of Survivors of Bereavement by Suicide (SOBS), which is the only UK charity dedicated to providing support to adults who have been bereaved by suicide.

I have had brilliant support from friends and family but this hasn’t stopped me from feeling isolated and desperate at times.

SOBS has helped me enormously, and their work is crucial. The charity enables you to connect with others that know your pain and your challenges first-hand.

Some people are fortunate enough to go through life without ever needing to know about extraordinary organisations like SOBS.

But their existence is essential, they are like an emergency service, and they should be more widely recognised and supported in the amazing work they do.

The second thing I would like to highlight is the critical importance of mental health awareness.

More than 6,000 people take their own life in the UK every year and each suicide has a devastating and lasting impact on their families, friends and communities.

Suicide is particularly common among men aged 30-49, and rates of suicide are generally higher in this county than in other parts of the UK. We were told by the coroner that Stan was the fourth person to take their own life in that fortnight alone in Herefordshire.

Whatever the reasons for this terrible statistic, it doesn’t have to be this way.

Stan was never formally diagnosed with a mental illness, but he knew he was ill.

He kept it incredibly well hidden from others, and he went to great lengths to keep it that way.

Our culture does not encourage discussion about mental illness.

People don’t understand, or they don’t want to know. But mental health needs to be talked about, openly and without stigma.

It needs to be covered at length in schools; it needs to be taken seriously.

We need mental health services to be widely available, well-staffed and properly funded. And we need to believe that keeping people mentally healthy is as important as keeping them physically healthy, without making any judgments about the distinction.

There are lots of amazing campaigns that are helping to promote mental wellbeing. I don’t know for sure that being actively supported in talking about his illness would have helped Stan, but it may have done, and it may help others. I am certainly trying to be much more open about it now.

Stan’s funeral was an extraordinary day with hundreds of people at the church.

There were so many people that we had to hire speakers to broadcast to those who couldn’t fit inside.

One of the many painful things about a tragedy like this is the fact that the person who has died never gets to see how many people loved and cared for them.

So, if you are reading this and you’re suffering, then whatever the stresses in your life, whatever the guilt or shame about what you are feeling, whatever you are keeping hidden for fear of burdening others - there are people who want to help you, so please go to them.

SOBS is raising money to set up more support groups across the UK. You can donate by visiting their website at http://uk-sobs.org.uk/.

If you have been bereaved by suicide you can call their National Helpline on 0300 111 5065. It is open from 9am to 9pm every day.