How to lose friends and alienate people - become a bridal bore...

4:37pm Tuesday 27th October 2009

By Jess Childs

I THINK - no actually I know - that at our most recent meeting with the wedding planner I might have scared him a little bit.

I am trying to take a little bit of my own advice (see last entry) but finding it v difficult right now. I had to cringe when I saw his little message on the subsequent email he sent me about Prosecco prices - “Hope you’re feeling a bit calmer now. Simon.” Plus I had several eye rolls from the H2B and my mother during the meeting so I can just tell how manic I was about the whole thing. Everyone can see how manic I’m being about the whole thing, it’s bloomin’ obvious isn’t it?

In my defence the fact we have now decided to renovate a house in the interim is kind of playing havoc with my sanity. Not a day goes by without my lunch hour involving a tense call to some sort of tradesman or another, not a working day passes without me receiving some sort of quote for windows/floorings/kitchens, no evening is complete without some sort of wallpaper/paint/door-handle based logic puzzle to contend with. I’m not complaining, honestly. I’m very lucky to be doing up my own house, marrying the man of my dreams and writing about it as part of my day job but, well, it’s just - I think I’m boring.

I used to go to a weekly writer’s class, I used to gig around Mid Wales as a singer-songwriter, I used to have conversations about books and current affairs, and I used to watch Coronation Street and pretend I wasn’t interested in Jordan and Peter (but still ask my friends about it). I used to watch things on Sky+ instead of just recording stuff that I never have time to see. I used to cook meals for people and visit my family and read the paper on a Sunday.

Do you know what I ask my mates about now? Polycell ceiling products and what sort of flowers are out in the spring. What’s the difference between egg-shell paint and gloss and can you take all the rose petals still in your garden off and dry them out for me please? Where did you get your bridesmaid’s dresses from and who did you have for ushers?

As a break (from me more than anything I feel) the H2B treated me to dinner with friends on Saturday and blow me, I could see the wife of his best mate’s eyes glazing over as I spoke. It didn’t help that there was another bride-to-be out with us but the poor love, she’s got two kids - she doesn’t give a monkeys about wedding favours and who can blame her?

My best childhood friend called for the first time in about three months the other day and I felt compelled to tell her, before we got down to the nitty gritty, that I am now officially boring. “If you don’t want to talk about houses or weddings I implore you, put the phone down now,” I told her, “run while you can still save yourself - and for God’s sake when he does propose to you say no!”.

I’m joking of course. Getting married is quite simply the most exciting and wonderful thing we have ever done as a couple and has brought us closer than we have ever been. I do wonder what we’re going to talk about once it’s all over though! So, top tip this month, I guess, is beware of becoming a bridal bore. Keep wedding talk for those who are as excited as you are, your mum, your sister, your best friend. And if you have a mate who’s turning into one, for goodness sake tell her - in my experience it might just be a subtle cry for help!

Top website: Anything that sells Frank Usher - great range for mother-of-the-bride outfits and kind of mid-range in price.

Best wedding shopping experience: Cheltenham, if you have a few bob the Montpellier district is fab for those really special designer luxuries (underwear, shoes etc). Some great bridal shops in the city centre too and a decent-sized House of Fraser sorted out my bridal shoe dilemma!