Respect to those having a big wedding - I'm still struggling with the small (From Hereford Times)

Respect to those having a big wedding - I'm still struggling with the small

4:37pm Thursday 2nd April 2009

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MEMO from small country bride to all those planning a meringue-in-a-country-mansion type wedding with full on three course wedding breakfast, a gazillion bridesmaids and all the trimmings: respect to you all ladies.

This also goes out to a handful of friends and acquaintances of mine who are getting married this year and are all having far bigger dos than my own because, quite frankly, I don’t know how you’re doing it.

I thought that once the reception and the country house got thrown out of the equation things would calm down a bit and the way forward would become much clearer. I mean, once you’ve got your venue and your food sorted all that’s left to think about is clothing, favours, entertainment, flowers, table decorati......and so it goes on. And this is supposed to be a SMALL affair.

We met with our helpful wedding planner (provided by our barn style venue) Simon and he put our minds somewhat at ease by assuring us that he gets paid to run the actual day from start to finish. Awesome - now we’ve just got to decide what happens when and where. One of the big problems (apart from my inability to make a decision and stick to it) is that we’re trying to plan for a non-traditional day (making it up as we go along basically) that’s still a year away yet. We’d love to have drinks outside and if it had been this March 27 might just have got away with it weather-wise, but next year? It could be nibbles and hot chocolate by a roaring fire and snow on the ground outside instead. Simon was fantastic - and I would advise that whoever is in charge of your event venue-wise should be thinking along the same lines - because he helped us work out contingencies for every scenario. Even if you’re getting married in August these days you could be facing a monsoon so I’d be thinking about layering up your bridesmaids if you think weather will be an issue (think wraps or cardis or posh umbrellas even) and yourself (ditto); if you’re having a horse and carriage make sure it has a roof option; think about the space you’re booking - you may be viewing it on a hot day when there’s lots of space outside but very little inside - but what happens if it rains? Some friends of ours are getting married in a walled garden in August which I think is very brave, but I’m sure they have their contingencies planned too.

The other major problem at the moment is time. Without being too much of a geek about it I definitely would say get a special book to note websites, shop names/numbers, ideas and costs down in because you’re going to need it just to keep yourself on track. My mind (which has no room left for anything other than wedding and we’ve still got a year to go) constantly flits from favours to dresses to menswear to food to drink to money. I’m going to have to sit down this weekend and actually plan some sort of timetable for various jobs to be done by because it’s got to the point where I’m going round in circles. Browsing the internet of an evening has become an arduous and often fruitless task because Google leads on to a bridal wear site which advertises a crockery hire site (which I also need) which in turn advertises a specialist favours site (which I also need) and before you know it I’ve gone from trying to pin down a dress style to talking about vases for tables in the space of an hour with no decisions made and nothing booked again! I’ve literally wasted weeks like this - so pick a task for a day or a week, say, and stick to that until it is done.

My mum and I wasted two hours looking for dress patterns on the net last night and we’re still none the wiser - and we don’t even have things like seating plans, place cards or reception menus to think about. I’m probably not having a hired car so I don’t even have to think about that. I’m not having a disco so I don’t have to think about that (although I am on the look-out for a band if anyone’s interested). I feel like I’ve got off lightly in some ways and yet I still can’t get my head round it. Like I said, all you big white weddingers out there - I just don’t know how you do it.

Top website for, well, everything really - www.ebay.co.uk.

Even the snobbiest of brides should check out ebay - you’d be surprised what you can get on there and not just second hand stuff either. There are loads of ebay shops now acting as a one-stop portal to manufacturers all over the country.

Things I have spotted/bought on ebay this month include - wedding cake stands (which can be very expensive if you want them to be), general cake stands, wedding cup cake cases, toppers and sugar decorations, bridal dresses, bridesmaids dresses, wholesale jam jars (don’t ask).

Top website for fake flowers (for those who like to be done and dusted months before) - www.silkflowersdecoflora.co.uk More and more brides are choosing fake flowers, which have two advantages - they don’t have to come in the final bill of your wedding, you can get the cost out of the way months beforehand and also that you’re guaranteed to get whatever flowers you want whatever the time of year. Put them with fresh foliage and on-one will know the difference.