Helping children deal with loss (From Hereford Times)

Helping children deal with loss

11:34am Friday 31st October 2008 in

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The pain of someone dying is hard enough for adults to deal with.

But when a child or young person loses someone, the effects are hugely disruptive, especially at a time they are just learning about life and finding their feet in the world.

Abruptly and often with no warning, the safety of the family structure has been fractured beyond repair.

Noah’s Ark Trust, which has been supporting bereaved children, young people and their families in Worcestershire since 1998 and set up in Herefordshire two years ago, has a team of trained staff and volunteers who support them through their grief and help them on the road to recovery.

Adults find it hard to keep things together for children and this can mean they don’t always get the attention they need, said bereavement service co-ordinator, Lorraine Smith.

“Children will react to death in different ways.

“They will feel very isolated and suddenly different from their schoolfriends, so we find they respond really well to our residential weekend which is held at an outdoor centre and gives them the opportunity to share experiences and feel included.

“They can remember the person who has died, make friends with others who have suffered the same and learn to have fun again,” she said.

Some of the children have had extremely traumatic experiences, like Michael, who was six-years-old when he was with his mum, dad, and eight-year-old sister travelling in their car that was involved in a collision with a lorry near Kidderminster.

His dad died instantly and his sister later that evening, with his mum and Michael at her bedside. Following the tragedy, Michael would not sleep a single night away from his mum and clings desperately to her at the start of each school day. He cannot concentrate and lashes out at friends.

Rosie’s father was late home from work and didn’t answer his mobile. Later that evening, two police officers showed up and told the family that there had been a fatal accident on the motorway.

“It was only when I heard mum on the phone telling someone that daddy had been killed that I realised what a fatal accident was.

“I went back to school but no-one knew what to say to me. I used to smile a lot so that the teachers and my friends would think I was all right but I used to go to my room and cry every night.

“I felt so lonely, even when I was surrounded by people,” said Rosie.

When Ben was eleven, he had to deal with the suicide of his father and recalls that the adventure weekend had such a positive effect for him and his mum that it helped him come to terms with his feelings. He is now a volunteer and fundraiser.

Noah’s Ark Trust factfile, For more information, visit the charity website at noahsarktrust. co.uk The most common causes of death are cancer and heart failure. During the last 10 years, the trust has supported 50 families as a result of fatal car accidents, 71 families following the suicide of a parent and eight families following a murder.

Two children, every hour of every day, experience the death of a parent.

If bereavement is not properly acknowledged and supported, it can lead to negative outcomes for children and young people.

They can be prone to developing a range of mental and emotional health problems, dependency on drugs or alcohol or exclusion from school due to behaviour problems.

The Youth Justice Board now identifies loss in the background of young offenders and, in one study, 41% had been bereaved.

To find out more or for advice, call Liz Collins on 01432 264555.